starting to show, apparently

First off, I must start out by thanking you guys for those great messages. Seriously, I don't know what I would do without you all. Just having your support and thoughts makes everything a little easier.

And I know a lot of my strength comes from my great friends and family and matt. And a lot of it comes from my faith. If I couldn't pray about it all, I would go nuts. I know God is in charge, no matter what happens. And odds are meaningless to God.

So, yes, showing, I guess. I have had people start to comment. Was leaving work on Friday, wearing some very low rise capris and a tighter shirt and one of my coworkers gasped "You're starting to show". And while I could tell my belly was certianly pooching out, I didn't think it was obvious to others. To me, with clothes on, it just looks like I am a little thick around the middle. Not a baby. But then this weekend someone told me they could see my belly. Then someone else actually PATTED my belly. It has begun! Thankfully, I am not to weirded out by that, and don't have to much of a personal bubble..... yet!....but I can imagine if I have to endure 27 more weeks of that I will go insane. So yes, already at 3 months pregnant it is obvious to others that there is a baby in there. However, all of these people knew I was pregnant. I very highly doubt anyone that didn't know would comment on it, because it does look like I just have a gut.

I engaged in some SERIOUS retail therapy the other day. I was so sick of going through my closet in vain...finding NO clothes for summer at all. It was driving me crazy. So Thursday I left work early and went shopping with my mom. We bought me a ton of clothes, and yep, my mother bought me clothes... I am so spoiled! Ended up with four new skirts, four pairs of capris and eight new shirts. None of it was maternity, though. I just bought everything a size or two bigger than normal, so it fits now and will fit for the rest of the summer. And baby clothes! I actually bought baby clothes. There was such a sale, and they were so cute, I just couldn't stop myself. And now that I have started buying them, I am worried I won't stop.

This past weekend was very nice. My BIL got married. The wedding was beautiful. My new sister-in-law looked gorgeous, and the ceremony was outside in a lovely park! It was a perfect day. She had a VERY EXPENSIVE photographer, who was great. I loved to watch her work. But she--Jenny, not the photographer, obviously-- wanted me to be a 'second shooter'. That was actually a lot of fun! I loved focusing on the details instead of worrying about getting all the other shots. I wonder if there are any really high end photographers that would like a second shooter in the area. That would be fun for some extra experience/money. I highly doubt it though. It was a very nice day. Although, by the end of the night I was exhausted. At about 10 pm, I didn't think I could even move anymore.

Everyone is so excited about this baby that I worry that if something is wrong we will dissapoint them. Not really, you know.... but I just have this super odd fear that if the baby isn't completely 'perfect' they won't be quite so happy about it. I know it is an odd fear, but it is there. And the other thing I have been thinking lately is how many people I know that are pregnant right now--in real life and online. And we will all have our babies within a few months of eachother. And if my baby is born with some problems, and everyone elses babies are normal, I will have to watch my baby grow up with difficulties, while their babies will be just fine. I think this especially with Karin and John's baby. Because before we knew anything, we were talking about what great friends they would be... I don't know. That is just hard.

And about the stupid amnio thing. Most of the people who say "I would NEVER have an amnio" are people who had PERFECT pregnancies. I don't want to hear that from them. If you haven't been faced with the problem, you have no clue what you would do. You can say you wouldn't do it all you want, but until you are told you have HIGH odds for problems, you don't know. That being said I am still not 100% settled about doing it. (sigh)

Well. I am hoping this week goes fast. Then it is time for a four day weekend! Hoorah. Friday I am taking off because my mom and I are going to a wedding in Indiana. (that is my fifth wedding in a row...and we have another the next weekend) and then Monday is the fourth of July. I am SO looking forward to it!